Self-esteem and self-compassion

American society strongly pushes the importance of cultivating high self-esteem, which is defined as “an evaluation of our worthiness, a judgment that we are good, valuable people” (Neff, 2011, p. 138). In theory, high self-esteem seems like a very positive attribute. However, the problem with teaching students to have high self-esteem is that it does not prepare them for the times when they fail to measure up to the image they have created of themselves; instead, their idea of their self-worth crashes. Moreover, self-esteem is not always accurate: “People with high self-esteem describe themselves as being more likable an attractive, and as having better relationships with others, than people with low self-esteem do. Objective observers, however, do not necessarily agree” (Neff, 2011, p. 140).

One alternative to self-esteem is self-compassion, extending kindness to oneself in times of failure or pain, much in the same way someone would comfort a friend going through a hard time. Self-compassion offers many of the same benefits as self-esteem with fewer of its flaws. Self-compassion is made up of three components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness (Neff, 2011, p. 41). Teaching self-compassion to students can help them manage stress, develop the ability to deal with failure, and cultivate compassion for others.

References

Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishers. 

Mindful Schools. www.http://www.mindfulschools.org/